2 months ago me and my partner of 5 years broke up. We had been together since we were both 15 and pretty much grew into adulthood together which made the situation a lot harder. In the city that we are living in it is extremely hard to find affordable accommodation plus we both really loved the people we were flatting with so we decided for the next few months we would live together. Now at first I felt like this was the best scenario because when you have been with someone for 5 years it is the hardest thing in the world to just not see them every day. During the past 2 months I have come up with a few reasons why living with your ex is actually a very difficult thing to do.
First thing is those nights when you’re at home and he’s gone out to a club with his friends and all you can do is lie there thinking of all the things he is doing. Your heart aches, your mind goes wild and you can’t sleep because in your head all you can imagine him doing is getting with other girls and it makes you feel sick to your stomach.
Secondly as you start to become a single and a more independent person you want to go out and do things with your friends like catch a movie, or go to the local pub on a Sunday to catch up and have a few drinks. But you still feel like you need to let your ex know what you are doing. Also as somebody who would often socialize with my partner, I felt guilty every time I went somewhere and left him at home. This is probably one of the worst things as a lot of the time it actually stopped me from going out even though when it was his turn he didn’t give 2 thoughts about it.
Thirdly living with an ex can be hard because as time goes on you have moments of wanting to get back together with them. In some cases it’s a good thing but in cases where the relationship is unhealthy and you’re both better off alone it can be a very hard time. This is because deep down you know that this is what you have to do but because you still love them and you see them every day you start coming up with reasons why it could work like “oh we could go to a counsellor, or it could work if I tried a bit harder doing this”. If you have come from an unhealthy relationship these are only short term solutions and in 6 months or a years’ time you will both be back in the same positioning feeling the same thing. It’s pretty much a battle between your head and your heart. Your heart loves them so much but your head knows that it’s the right thing to do. It all comes down to instinct.
Fourthly when you are with somebody and you live with them it is very hard to switch off doing things for them. You are so used to cleaning up after them, doing there washing and cooking them meals that when it’s time to just stop, you almost can’t. But the only thing you can do in this situation is take a step back and actually watch them struggle as hard as that is. You have to watch there washing pile up, you have to watch them attempt to cook their own meals and lastly if they don’t clean up after themselves and you simply say to them “can you please put your dishes away since they have been there a couple of days” it turns into a yelling match about your relationship and why it ended.
Lastly when you live with an ex it’s pretty much a time where you can’t really have sex. You can’t bring somebody home (not that I am nearly ready to move on yet anyways) and you can’t have sex with them because it just makes things a lot more complicated and emotionally involved. It can also give the other person false hope and that is the last thing you want to happen.
In the end I know the hardest part is yet to come. It will really start to hit when we stop living together whenever that may be. But I know that for the future it is the best thing for me as the relationship was very unhealthy.
If anybody wants me to write a post on unhealthy relationships comment below. I still might just write one anyway soon as it can be a big problem for a lot of people out there.
Also I would love to hear everybody’s thoughts on this issue of living with an ex. Do you think it’s a healthy thing to do or unhealthy? (: